Married at First Sight's Bongani on Portia, therapy and more

Married at First Sight South Africa has been on air for 11 weeks, and each episode brings even more emotion and drama.

Airing every Sunday at 6PM on Mzansi Magic and streaming on Showmax, the series follows four couples navigating married life in real time: Palesa Mphaki and Tshepo Miya, Makoto Phumodi and Nkuleleko Mahlangu, Themba Khosa and Nelisa Ntabeni, and Portia Baloyi and Bongani Luvalo.

In the latest episode, emotions ran high as tensions surfaced between some of the couples. Portia and Bongani had an intimate and heartfelt conversation about grief, following the recent passing of Portia’s father.

We caught up with Bongani, who did not hold back on why he joined the show, his thoughts on his new wife and more.

Why did you decide to join the show?

I joined Married at First Sight to try a different approach in finding a wife, to cut out options and choice and see if one can meet a person who’s committed to the institution of marriage. I was tired of the outside noise and was intentional in giving my all to building a marriage, family and a home.

When you first saw Portia, what went through your mind?

When I first saw my wife, I thought “it doesn’t get more real than this”. 

How did you emotionally prepare yourself for this experiment?

⁠I generally live in therapy, not because I have deep things to deal with but because it’s a tool that I need in the journey of life. So once it was confirmed that I would be a participant, my therapist and I drew scenarios and approached them. I won’t lie, it did take a toll on me even though I had taken measures. So, because of the time I have spent and continue to spend in therapy, I can say I have a toolbox that I refer to as and when I’m challenged negatively or positively.

Following the timeline of the show, how did the passing of Portia’s dad affect your marriage?

The passing of Portia’s dad was a bit of a challenge, as I could not be fully there for her for two reasons. The first being the fact that traditionally, I can’t be recognised as a husband but rather seen as a boyfriend (and they did not even know that much), and secondly, I had to leave the country for almost two weeks for both leisure and business.

How have you managed to stay calm throughout all the conflict that has happened on the show?

⁠I would say learning to know when something is about me or not has helped. At times, we tend to want to personalise or own people’s actions as if they are a reflection of ourselves or our own insufficiencies. I don’t take things personally, and I also know when to take a few steps back and then approach things with less emotion.

From the episodes we have seen, is there a marriage that you truly believe in that isn’t yours?

I would say Nelisa and Themba. I think they came with intention, knowing what they want out of the experience, and they graciously approach each day by giving each other respect and the benefit of the doubt. 

What has this experience taught you about yourself?

This experiment has cemented that I love love and that I still have work to do in dealing with abandonment and rejection.

Are people starting to recognise you outside of the show and how have their reactions been?

Yes, people are recognising me as the guy from MAFS. Most times they get my name wrong but they are friendly and reassuring. They are pleased with how I carry myself and share their wishes of seeing our marriage work. 

Why should people continue watching your journey?

People should continue watching because it’s a relatable story of how people grow into each other. There are still more ups and downs that will test the marriage, and it really can’t unfold without the viewers witnessing it.