11 December 2018
Every sex-tape joke so far on Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Fans of Brooklyn Nine-Nine will be well versed in the “name of your sex-tape” joke that Detective Jake Peralta (played by comedian Andy Samberg) has been running with since the very first season. Collect them all!
Spoiler alert: Watch Seasons 1-7 on Showmax before you proceed.
Season 1
Amy Santiago: Can you magically make everyone kind, sober and fully dressed?
Jake: Kind, Sober and Fully Dressed. Good news everyone, we found the name of Santiago’s sex tape.
Amy: I’m sorry about tonight.
Jake: I’m Sorry About Tonight! We found the title for Santiago’s follow-up sex tape.
Amy: It’s not your fault, I was terrible.
Jake: It’s Not Your Fault, I Was Terrible is also one of your sex tapes.
Amy: Not even going to touch that.
Jake: The Amy Santiago Story.
Amy: I’m horrible at this. When can we stop?
Jake: I’m Horrible at this-
Amy: I know, I know. Title of my sex tape.
Jake: Huh, well done. Title of my sex tape.
Season 2
Amy: Just as long as we’re clear, I’m with someone and nothing is going to happen.
Jake: I’m with Someone, Nothing’s Going to Happen: name of your sex tape.
Amy: But, this better not bite me in the ass.
Jake: Better Not Bite Me in the Ass: name of your sex tape…
Amy: Uh-oh. I hope it doesn’t get too sexual.
Jake: Uh-oh I Hope it Doesn’t Get Too Sexual: title of your sex tape. But seriously, what is taking so long? Also, the title of your sex tape.
Episode: The Wednesday Incident
Gina Linetti: Eek, blast of cold air coming out of that box.
Jake: Name of Amy’s sex tape.
Amy: Why doesn’t your mouth work?
Jake: Why Doesn’t Your Mouth Work: title of our sex tape.
Amy: What?!
Jake: YOUR sex tape! What? No.
Season 3
Jake: So… we broke a rule.
Amy: Yeah… I hope it wasn’t a mistake.
Jake: I Hope it Wasn’t a Mistake title of your sex tape… *gasp* title of our sex tape!
Season 4
Amy: I just got it out of the vent to rub it in your faces.
Jake: I Just Got It Out of the Vent to Rub It In Your Faces: name of your sex tape.
Judge Marinovich: One more “but” and you will be in contempt.
Jake: “One more ‘butt’ and you’re contempt”: name of your sex tape.
Season 5
(dream sequence) I’ve been looking, but I can’t find anything and I don’t know what to do.
Jake: “I can’t find anything and I don’t know what to do” – title of your sex tape.
Amy: I’m so confused, I don’t know what’s happening right now.
Jake: “I’m So Confused and I Don’t Know What’s Happening Right Now” – title of your sex tape.
Amy [after Jake proposes]: Oh my God, I’m shaking, I’m definitely gonna cry. Title of your sex tape?
Seamus Murphy: Let’s kill them both, get out of here before the cops come.
Jake: Wait, no, no, no, I was lying about the backup. I came alone. Title of my sex tape!
Boyle: No, the only way out of this hole is to keep digging.
Jake: That’s not how holes work — title of your sex tape.
Boyle: But why don’t we take this map and this sextant and chart a course to the restaurant?
Holt: Title of your sex-tant tape.
Jake: Ah, did not work at all, but I love that you attempted it — title of your sex-tant tape.
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