I Hate Suzie: it’s one awkward moment after another

Suzie Pickles of I Hate Suzie, now streaming on Showmax, is in a, well, pickle. The former teen singing star, played by Billy Piper in a very short stretch of art imitating life, is over the moon to get the call she has been cast as a Disney princess. An ageing one (she’s 35), but still. As her home is invaded by a chaotic photographic crew, Suzie discovers some photos from her phone have been hacked and they’re being splashed all over the internet.

This is awkward moment number one, the premise of the show, because they are photos of Suzie having sex. Look, this is no time to be prudish; in this day and age lots of people do this kind of thing all the time, whether with a partner or to send to a partner – or even a stranger: hashtag unsolicited dick pics. Can you possibly imagine the sickening tummy-dropping, heart-stopping moment you realise they’ve been seen by, for example, your mum?

From there, I Hate Suzie lurches from one cringe to the next, over eight episodes, four of which are named for the stages of grief (denial, bargaining, anger, acceptance – leaving out depression) with the trauma responses  shame, guilt, fear, and shock. Each emotion is illustrated in the episode with its title. There’s definitely a lot of “but for the grace of God, there go I” which, I think, many of us can relate to, or maybe just wish we could unravel and rail and rage against the injustices of the world. It’s a luxury not many can afford.

7 of the most anxiety-inducing, awkward moments of I Hate Suzie

Stream I Hate Suzie on Showmax before reading this list – spoilers ahead!

1. Shock

As if it’s not bad enough that the pics are out there for the world to see, it’s immediately established that the person with Suzie is not her husband. Suzie has been caught cheating in the worst possible way. Not that there’s a good way, of course. The husband, Cob (Daniel Ings), wastes no time in calling a locksmith, which leaves Suzie skipping down the main road of the village in a fake blood-daubed fur coat over a nightie and ruined makeup, singing about how much she hates everything about it.

2. Denial

This is one way of dealing with the rubbish life throws at us; sometimes it even works. But not in this case. Suzie – who, like Piper in real life, previously starred in a fantasy sci-fi show – makes an appearance at a convention. Her best friend and agent/manager Naomi (Leila Farzad) advises her not to take a Q&A, counsel that Suzie ignores to her detriment (leading to another clue as to who’s in the pics with her) but not before first holding the mic in a suggestive way (maybe not intentionally) and then standing up and stating categorically the photos are not of her.

An outright lie like this only works if it is on some level believable. This is not the case here. Afterwards, there’s a coke-fuelled night in a hotel room with a washed up actor who has had his own share of scandal, and he convinces Suzie to try a new way of snorting a line…

3. Fear

In the third episode, the identity of Suzie’s lover is revealed. It’s Carter (Nathaniel Martello-White), who so happens to be the show runner on the series about Nazi zombies of which Suzie is the star. Awkward indeed. Carter professes his love for Suzie, and assures her his wife doesn’t know anything about it. Print media can’t use the photos but Suzie’s home address is made public, causing her much paranoia. 

4. Shame

This episode focuses primarily on Suzie trying to masturbate, and the fantasies she employs to do this. It’s annoying because she really wants to try picturing her husband but Carter keeps popping up, and frustrating because she’s struggling to concentrate with numerous interruptions. Reality is mixed in with Naomi’s text messages about a man sitting next to her on the train and touching himself. When Suzie decides to use a vibrator, she has to take fresh batteries out of her son’s toy.

Stream I Hate Suzie on Showmax now »

5. Bargaining

Attempts at damage control go horribly wrong. Cob, who is obviously obsessing over the photos of Suzie and Carter, discovers something else in the background of one of them. Suzie has a dinner meeting with the producers of her show to tell them she wants to leave. That part would have been fine but Cob comes along for the ride, and to add to the fun, he’s popped a pill. And then Carter arrives at the restaurant.

Suzie – and I’m with her here – grabs her bag and heads for the ladies room, where she gets a supportive call from Disney but blurts out the detail of the photo Cob had noticed. Silence …

Naomi has a cringe moment too when she goes on a blind date and tells the guy she wants no-strings sex to get pregnant. He says he’ll go get another round of drinks, but he does a runner instead.

6. Guilt

Suzie’s sister is getting married, and her family thinks the whole photo debacle is hilarious. In fact, it’s quite lucrative; her dad is selling an interview to a tabloid. Suzie snoops on Cob’s phone and finds what appear to be suggestive texts from one of his young female students. She replies, in an attempt to find out if he too is straying from the marital bed. She also tries to do an audition for a musical with her phone, which various family members bomb.

7. Anger

It’s only a matter of time before we reach this stage. The first trigger is seeing Carter at the theatre with his beautiful wife and bumping into them afterwards. It’s instantly apparent the wife knows nothing, even though Carter said he had told her. So while Suzie’s entire life has imploded, Carter has remained untouched.

Suzie attends a workshop for a musical about Monica Lewinsky but ends up sabotaging it so she can get home for her son’s birthday party. Except she steps in dog poo, and as one thing leads to another, she loses it completely with a man in a car – who videos her breakdown.

The season finale is entitled Acceptance, and it seamlessly incorporates a narrative voiceover style, as Suzie takes stock of her situation – along with one heck of an unwelcome surprise.

“The real stand out gem here though comes from the commentary surrounding the dangers of the media and lengths they’ll go to get a story,” says The Review Geek. “The moral lines are broken and the vilification and pressure on stars must be unbearable – especially that transition from child to adult.

“The ending certainly leaves the door open for a second season and based on this showing, it definitely deserves one too. There’s lots of potential for this to grow into new avenues and explore different topics as Suzie claws her way back up the showbiz ladder.”

Stream I Hate Suzie now – it’s already been renewed for a second season and we can’t wait to see even more awkwardness and anxiety when Suzie Pickles returns to our screens.