Civil War: Nick Offerman role call

What does Nick Offerman brings to the table as an actor? For starters, he probably made the table. Nick, an avid woodworker and owner-manager of Offerman Woodshop, buys himself one high quality tool every time he gets paid for an acting role. His role in Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous, for example, paid for his bandsaw. 

Aside from that, nobody does gruff, stoic outdoorsmen quite as believably. The beard and moustache are part of it, giving him look of a disgruntled Persian cat who just won Best in Show despite being offended by the very idea of such frivolity. 

Nick can swing an axe while happily surviving the apocalypse alone (at first) in The Last of Us, but he can also make us believe that there are entire essays forming in his head as he works. He has the Emmy and Peabody Awards to prove it.

Now his role as the nameless President in the action drama Civil War throws something unexpected into the mix. Check it out as we compare seven of Nick’s performances, large and small. 

1. Civil War

Civil war between state militias and loyalist govenment forces breaks out across The United States of America thanks to a divide over The President-turned-dictator’s (Nick Offerman) actions, including disbanding the FBI. Four journalists – Lee (Kirsten Dunst), Joel  (Wagner Moura), Sammy (Stephen McKinley Henderson), and Jessie (Cailee Spaeny) – journey across the war zones between New York and Washington DC to get an interview with this presidential troublemaker.

Bare-faced for once, Nick Offerman gives us a believably arrogant, smarmy, smirking opportunist. The film contrasts how smug the President is while practising his speeches and exaggerating his own achievements, with the horror taking place in the country because of his words. In true narcisitic fashion, he believes that any force used to eliminate those who oppose him is justified, and that everything he does will go down in history as magnificent. But the moment that kind of force is turned against him, he squeals like a pig. According to everyone involved in this film, the President is not based on anyone in current US politics. 

Quote: “We are now closer than we have ever been to victory.  Some are already calling it the greatest victory in the history of military campaigns.”

2. Parks and Recreation: Seasons 1-7

In one of the realest-ever takes on grass roots democracy, red tape and bureaucratic inertia, Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) brings her sunny personality, faith in humanity, and sheer determination to Parks and Recreation Department of Pawnee, Indiana – even winning over the department’s gruff, moustached contrarian libertarian director, Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman).

This is the role against which all of Nick’s work is measured, and the bar is high! Ron acts as if he absorbed every guide to red-blooded, American, frontier manliness ever, then threw in a bucket of secret skills, from woodworking, to playing jazz saxophone, to kabuki theatre. He’s not a people person, and even removed his date of birth from all government documentation so that nobody throws silly office parties for him. But he can be lured out of the office on the promise of a “meat tornado”. 

Quote: “I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”

3. Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 3, episode 8

It’s a special Thanksgiving episode and we’re thankful for Nick Offerman as Captain Holt’s (Andre Braugher) ex-boyfriend, Frederick (Nick Offerman). 

In an effort to calm down Terry’s (Terry Crews) pregnant wife, Sharon (Merrin Dungey), after her water breaks, Jake (Andy Samberg) begs Captain Holt to get Frederick to help, since he’s a gynaecologist.

With fans thirsty for any drop of information on Holt’s inner universe, Frederick does not disappoint. He’s a stoic, rugged looking man with a “glorious beard” (according to Jake), and he dumped Holt because he believed that Holt had thrown his beloved antique duck in the trash. In reality Holt had pushed the duck off a bridge because he despised its “weak beak”. The flashback of the crime is a treasure!

Quote: “I wish I could help, but unfortunately I have a bit of a wooden duck situation”.

4. Sing

Would you recognise his voice if you didn’t know it was him? Nick doesn’t look quite like himself, since Norman is clean-shaven. He’s also a pig in a suit with a cushy office job, and a wife named Rosita (Reese Witherspoon), who does all the heavy lifting when it comes to running the house, raising their 25 out-of-control piglets.

Norman is so inattentive that he doesn’t even realise that Rosita has set up a massive mechanical system to tackle her tasks throughout the house so she can slip out to go and rehearse for her musical. What an oinker! Noman does step things up in the second film, though, as he supports Rosita’s talent and reminds people that she’s more than a “mommy pig”. 

Quote: "Oh yeah, you're great, honey. By the way, the bathroom sink is blocked again."

5. Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous

Aside from being a premium treat-yo’self action comedy, Sandra Bullock’s undercover FBI agent and beauty queen movie brings us the Nick Offerman Gun Show, as he struts about in a tough guy leather vest with no shirt as biker henchman Karl Steele. Watch him run like a rat from Sandra Bullock until she tackles him to the ground while wearing a full Las Vegas showgirl outfit.

Quote: “Don't call me a moron. I have a BA in Fine Arts!”

6. Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 9, episode 10

In the hour-long Season 9 finale, Larry's (Larry David) dream stage production, Fatwa! The Musical – with F Murray Abraham (playing himself) as the Ayatollah – gets wrecked. Blame a paintball duel during which Larry shoots Fatwa’s Salman Rushdie, Lin-Manuel Miranda (playing himself), in the mouth. 

Nick plays Larry’s stage manager Cody, a deadpan, headset-wearing powerhouse of professionalism who has probably worked with far worse (and cheaper) men in Hollywood than Larry David. So when Lin slaps Larry and demands a duel, it’s Cody who mediates and lays out the traditional rules for these rivals, which he knows by heart – as any gentleman should.

Quote: “These proceedings shall fall under the auspices of the code duello, Irish version. I am given to believe that one of the gentleman has perceived a slight and demands satisfaction…”

7. The Last of Us: Season 1, episode 3

In an episode that’ll have your lip quivering like the first 10 minutes of Pixar’s Up, Joel (Pedro Pascal) and Ellie (Bella Ramsey) travel to Massachusetts, to pick up a stash of supplies left for them by Tess (Anna Torv) and Joel’s former smuggling partners, Bill (Nick Offerman) and Frank (Murray Bartlett). 

The bulk of the episode centres on doomsday prepper Bill’s efforts to survive the past 20 years since the outbreak of the apocalyptic fungal infection, and how his love with his long-time partner, Frank, has turned survival into truly living with joy. Nick’s quietly restrained performance as Bill won him the 2024 Emmy Award for Outstanding Guest Actor.

The Montage of Bill’s solo existence shows him cutting down trees, dressing his own carcasses, running his subsistence farm, breaking into power plants, ransacking hardware shops, then having a red wine and steak dinner. It’s as if Ron Swanson greatest dream has come to life! He even serenades Frank with Linda Ronstadt’s ballad Long Long Time, while playing the piano. It’s not jazz saxophone, but it’ll do.

Quote: “I used to hate the world, and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong because there was one person worth saving. That's what I did. I saved him. Then I protected him. That's why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do.”

Go forth and enjoy all these premium Nick Offerman offerings while stroking your luxuriant Movember moustache.