The Grinch list: 10 movies and series for the “bah humbug!” crowd

On the 12th Day of Christmas Showmax gave to me…(deep breath) 12 big explosions, 11 murder victims, 10 alien species, nine ice cold cases, eight classic showtunes, seven young offenders, six-shot revolvers, five con-spi-ra-cies, fo-ur assassins, three serial killers, two cop buddies, and A Quiet Place: Day One!

Happy holidays, no matter how you celebrate. 

1. A Quiet Place: Day One

Looking for a moment’s peace? Wishing people would stop singing Silent Night and actually just hush for a minute? Boy, do we have the cosmic event for you!

In this prequel to John Krasinski’s A Quiet Place alien invasion horror films, Lupita Nyong’o plays Sam, a terminally ill cancer patient who’s stuck in Manhattan when aliens attack Earth. The bodycount skyrockets before people realise that this isn’t a peaceful visit. And then, amid the panic, Sam, her cat Frodo, and everyone they meet, have to figure out how to evade the attackers – long before anyone figures out the rules – just based around the fact that these aliens seem to race towards sounds. It’s the end of the world, but somehow life is still worth fighting for.

Stream A Quiet Place: Day One from Friday, 20 December.

2. Based on A True Story Seasons 1-2

If family-time has you longing for a little me-time, the Westside Ripper knows how you feel!

In Season 1, troubled couple Ava (Kaley Cuoco) and Nathan (Chris Messina) started a serial killer podcast to track the activities of the Westside Ripper, only to uncover his identity as Matt Pierce (Tom Bateman). They wound up keeping his secret in exchange for using the inside scoop on his killings to boost their ratings. Fun for everyone!

But as Season 2 starts, Ava and Nathan are three months into being new parents to their first baby. Not only is it wall-to-wall googoo gaga in that house, Ava is battling to suppress her fascination with serial killers so she can get back to work as an estate agent and spend time with her mysterious new friend, Drew (Melissa Fumero). And Nathan is focused on coaching his tennis clients so he’s back to just being friends with Matt, rather than partners in crime. This leaves Matt looking to rein in his urges between “seasons”, so he starts dating Ava’s sister Tory (Liana Liberato), practising mindfulness, and exploring “sober living”. How long till he snaps? Place your bets.

Binge Based on A True Story Season 1-2 now.

3. Sweetpea Season 1

There’s no time like the holidays for making fantasy lists in your head. From menus, to gift lists, to lists of people who need to die, we’re taking note!

Sweetpea, inspired by the novel of the same name by CJ Skuse, explores how young office drudge Rhiannon (Ella Purnell, Yellowjackets’ Jackie) becomes a serial killer, turning her fantasies of murdering everyone from manspreaders to public pee-ers into reality. But should she start at the office, at home, or pick a random victim? 

Rhiannon longs to be a reporter, but her boss at The Carnsham Gazette, Norman (Jeremy Swift), passes her over for promotion in favour of some guy named AJ (Calam Lynch) who snaps up the job because Norman knows his parents. Her dad dies, her dog dies, and to top off the pile of misery that just plopped on her head, her successful sister Seren (Alexandra Dowling) decides to sell the family home – even though Rhiannon still lives there – and the estate agent she hires to take care of it turns out to be Rhiannon’s vile school bully Julia (Nicôle Lecky). Time to sharpen some knives and check that list twice.

Stream Sweetpea Season 1 now. New episodes Thursdays.

4. Eileen

As the polar opposite of both the drunk uncle and “that uncle” (yuck), the rich aunt is here to hand out lavish gifts and dazzle the little ones with mildly inappropriate tales from her single lady adventures, only to vanish in a cloud of Chanel until the next year. So how about a film with rich aunt vibes?

Ottessa Moshfegh adapted her own novel of the same name for this movie – a psychological thriller set in the 1960s, about a friendship between two women that takes a dark turn. Glamorous psychologist Rebecca Saint John (Anne Hathaway) joins the staff of a corrections centre for teenage boys, where the facility’s socially isolated secretary, Eileen (Thomasin McKenzie), becomes fascinated by her. When Rebecca shares a secret with Eileen, she sets her new friend on a sinister path involving kidnapping, abuse, obsession and forbidden love. 

According to Vogue magazine, “Eileen Is the Anti-Christmas movie you never knew you needed…  a moody, sexy, filthy, dangerous sliver of a film that drives a freezing, smoke-filled truck through all the cloying seasonal cheer.” Goodness, we’re blushing. Tell us more!

Stream Eileen now.

5. Bad Boys: Ride or Die

When the kids are running around screaming with the hose, bucket, water pistols and whatnot, it’s time to ditch being an adult and show them how it’s done, with your BFF guarding your back. It’s Bad Boys (and Girls) time!

Following the chaos of Bad Boys and Bad Boys II, the world’s favourite chaos cops are back blending action, comedy, quips and undying friendship. But there’s a twist: Detective Mike (Will Smith) and his partner in crime-busting, Detective Marcus (Martin Lawrence), have an off-the-books case to investigate high-level corruption across law enforcement. As a result, Miami’s finest are now on the run while they work to clear an innocent man’s name … along with their own. Not ready to take the leap just yet? Wait till you see how DJ Khaled dies! 

PS: This was one of South Africa’s top three box office smash hits of 2024

Stream Bad Boys: Ride or Die now.

6. Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Seasons 1-2

“Captain’s log: Star Date December 2024. These human-like beings have queried the crew’s marital status, employment prospects, and weight, while uttering racial slurs. Federation law prevents us from nuking them from space, as we are merely here to observe this primitive civilisation.” Yes, certain family gatherings can be a lot more fun when you’re just there for science! So turn to the pros for inspiration.

Set in the 23rd Century, just 10 years before the events of Star Trek, the Original Series, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds revives its spirit of fun and optimism, as it follows a five-year mission of exploration led Captain Christopher Pike (Anson Mount) and the crew of the starship USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) including Spock (Ethan Peck), and First Officer Una Chin-Riley (Rebecca Romijn). The strange civilisations are, indeed, strange. The aliens range from lizard-like Gorn to sentient space clouds. And all the classic species like humans, Klingons, Romulans, Vulcans, Andorians, and Illyrians are here, too. Star Trek’s return to peaceful exploration and curiosity has earned it a Rotten Tomatoes critics’ rating of 98% – the highest in the franchise. 

Binge Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Season 1-2 now.

7. Law & Order Toronto: Criminal Intent Season 1

If you’re chronically online you’ll have seen the push to vanquish the evil specter of beigemas with the power of colourful Christmas trees. And that’s because from ornaments your kids made, to the classic Christmas lunch, to 34-year-old police procedural franchises, you don’t meddle with perfection. Cue the “dun-dun” sound effect and let’s investigate.

An elite squad of detectives from the Specialised Criminal Investigations Unit of the Toronto Police Department investigate high-profile crime and corruption cases ripped from the headlines. The first season introduces us to the lead investigative team of Detective Sergeants Frankie Bateman (Kathleen Munroe) and Henry Graff (Aden Young), Inspector Vivienne Holness (Karen Robinson), and Deputy Crown Attorney Theo Forrester. Cases include a crypto bro’s disappearance, clues contained in a murdered art professor’s paintings, a hockey star dead on ice, and a serial killer whose victims include a rapper (not Drake, calm down).

Binge Law & Order Toronto: Criminal Intent Season 1 from Friday, 20 December

Also watch: Binge Law & Order: Organized Crime Season 4.

8. The Killer

We love a multi-generation family tradition. So once the crackers have gone bang, Christmas cleanup is sorted, and everyone is ready for a snooze, martial arts action fans can liven things up for their 16-and-older kids and grandkids with this spin on an old favourite. 

Action director John Woo (Silent Night, Mission: Impossible II) has remade his 1989 Hong Kong classic The Killer, moving the action to Paris and swapping Chow Yun-fat for Game of Thrones star Nathalie Emmanuel as assassin named Zee, who is known and feared throughout the underworld as the Queen of the Dead. When Zee refuses her handler’s orders to kill a blind young woman at a nightclub, she herself becomes the target of a police investigation and her former allies’ weapons, while finding herself at the centre of a criminal conspiracy that’ll expose new facts about her own past. With her back against the wall, Zee partners up with an unlikely ally, a local cop named Sey (Omar Sy). Cue the slow-mo camera and release the doves!

Stream The Killer now.

9. The Color Purple

Family is a mixed blessing, and the holidays often force us to confront unprocessed trauma along with the tinsel and bells. So if you need a little reminder to appreciate that life has beauty along with the horror, it’s time to sing along.

The idea of a musical based on The Color Purple, which highlights difficult topics like incestuous child rape and pregnancy, domestic violence and racism, might feel like a musical version of holocaust drama Schindler’s List. But the story actually began life as a Broadway musical before author Alice Walker adapted it into her Pulitzer Prize-winning novel of the same name. 

Directed by Ghanaian Blitz Bazawule (co-director of Beyoncé’s Black Is King) and set in Georgia in the early 1900s, the story traces an extraordinary, decades-long connection between three women. The talent is breathtaking, with Grammy-winning artist Fantasia Barrino as the main point of view character Celie (with Phylicia Pearl Mpasi as the 14-year-old Celie) – who endures countless hardships in her life, but ultimately finds strength and hope in the unbreakable bonds of sisterhood – along with Danielle Brooks as Sofia, the Fight Night series’ Taraji P Henson as Shug Avery, and Colman Domingo as Mister. 

Stream The Colour Purple from Monday, 23 December.

10. Crush

If you barely survived the last-minute Christmas stampede at the shops, or if you’re gearing up for one of those epic end-of-year concert events or headed for the beach, watch this one with your mouth open in horror and disbelief.

Nominated for a 2024 Emmy Award for Outstanding Investigative Documentary, Crush explores how the first post-COVID Halloween event in Seoul, South Korea, in 2022 turned into a crowd stampede and panic that killed 159 people. 

The two-part documentary draws on hundreds of hours of footage from cell phones, bodycams and surveillance cameras, along with interviews with survivors, and first responders, and city residents who watched helplessly as the tragedy unfolded in the streets beneath their homes. Footage from hearings conducted by government officials and investigators spotlights a trail of negligence, including the fact that police ignored residents’ emergency calls when 100 000 people poured into the Itaewon neighbourhood.

Binge Crush from Monday, 23 December.

…And to all a good night!