Adulting’s Thembinkosi Mthembu on marriage and toxic masculinity

Last year’s SAFTA Best Actor winner and Hunk of The Year Feather Award winner, Thembinkosi Mthembu returns to Adulting Season 3 as Bonga Tembe, a married man eager to start a family and build a bright future with his wife, Nkanyezi (played by Londeka Sishi).

Early in their marriage, the couple realises that their family values aren’t as aligned as they thought. With Bonga wanting to start a family immediately and Nkanyezi focused on her career for the next five years, their differing goals lead to tension. This raises the question: Was Bonga ever truly ready for marriage?

Watch the trailer for Adulting Season 3

Zibuyile Dladla chats with Thembinkosi to unpack Bonga’s complicated marriage and his friendships with the rest of the gents, who are in their own downward spirals.

At the end of Season 2, Bonga marries the woman of his dreams, but their honeymoon is short-lived when they realise their goals for starting a family are misaligned. How did this happen so early in their marriage?

Bonga and Nkanyezi’s current problem highlights a lack of communication and selfishness. Bonga wants to start a family quickly, influenced by the shortcomings of his absent father. He desperately wants to prove that he’s a great man and will be a great father. However, when Bonga and Nkanyezi decided to marry, they didn’t have a clear conversation about their expectations regarding starting a family. If they had discussed this openly, they might have avoided this mess. Now, they’re two bitter adults heading toward disaster.

Additionally, Bonga thought that marriage would help him change his infidelity tendencies, but miscommunication with Nkanyezi has only pushed him back into his old ways.

Art imitates life. How did your real-life marriage influence your portrayal of Bonga’s marriage?

It influenced me in many ways, especially regarding communication and balance. In marriage, both partners need each other to ensure a healthy relationship. My wife was also a huge help while preparing for this role. She would assist me with my lines, and I’d ask her how she would feel if I said something a particular way. It was fun to see if I could provoke a reaction from her in the same way Bonga might from Nkanyezi.

What advice would you give to couples, based on your experience as Thembinkosi and playing a character like Bonga?

To men, take things one step at a time. In today’s world, especially in KZN, there’s immense pressure on men. Many of my friends have struggled with these pressures, feeling like failures if they haven’t reached a certain level of success or if they’re not attracting women. We need to return to the basics – like our fathers who worked simple jobs and provided for their families without societal pressures. If we do this, we can grow and become better men and fathers.

Also, if a woman no longer loves you, let her go. There’s no need for abuse, whether verbal or physical. Let her go, and don’t hold on to someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

To women, be kind. Don’t generalise men based on your experiences with others. If your partner is trying, acknowledge that effort. Also, don’t stay in a relationship for material benefits. If you’re unhappy, leave. Don’t stay out of convenience or fear. 

Lastly, be kind to yourself and take breaks from social media – it can be a negative influence.

If Adulting were to continue, do you think Bonga would have ended up like his father, or would he have taken a different path?

Bonga shares the same problem as his father – infidelity. He struggles to be different but is constantly battling these urges. Marrying Nkanyezi was his first step to breaking away from his father’s legacy, but his actions still show the same mistakes. He wants to be a better husband and father, but at the moment, he’s failing.

What aspects of your character’s development did you find most intriguing?

I find Bonga’s focus on family most intriguing. It’s something that’s been consistent with him, which I admire. However, he still needs to work on his communication and ego. While he’s driven by career and success, he’s also ego-driven, and that’s something he needs to address.

Why does Bonga seem resentful towards Vuyani? Why is he always tough on him?

Bonga has a problem with Vuyani because he sees potential in him. Over the past two seasons, Bonga felt that Vuyani wasn’t serious about his career and goals. He sees Tsiki Tsiki and Mpho to be stand-up men, although they too have their own shortcomings. Vuyani, on the other hand, has been too dependent on his sugar mommy, which Bonga feels is not sustainable. Bonga wants Vuyani to step up, be independent, and start taking responsibility for his life. Even though Vuyani is trying with his new club, Bonga still believes he needs to grow on his own without relying on Beth. Vuyani’s dropping out of university also bothers Bonga because he feels that could have been Vuyani’s chance to improve his life. Essentially, Bonga wants to see Vuyani grow up and become his own man.

They also have an unhealthy competition. Vuyani wants to be like Bonga, but Bonga constantly reminds him that he’s not yet on his level.

Why does Bonga confide in Mpho, and what makes him receptive to Mpho’s advice despite his conflicting actions?

Bonga confides in Mpho because Mpho has had what Bonga has always wanted – a stable family. Even though Mpho is divorced, Bonga still looks up to him as an example of someone who has been through the ups and downs of marriage. Mpho’s love for his two sons also inspires Bonga, and he admires how Mpho treats his children.

Where were you when you found out that this was indeed the final season of Adulting?

We were at the office when we were told. They shared the direction of the storyline and confirmed that this was the end of Adulting. It was bittersweet, but we’re ending it with a bang. “Ingoma siyi vala kusasemnandi” – we’re leaving the story while it’s hot. I believe I’ll work with the cast again in the future. We had great chemistry and a fantastic work ethic, so I believe this is not the last time we’ll work together.

Catch Thembinkosi Mthembu on Season 3 of Adulting, now streaming on Showmax, with new episodes on Saturdays until 19 April 2025. 

You can also binge-watch Shaka Ilembe S1 on Showmax and relive Thembinkosi’s SAFTA-winning role as King Dingiswayo ahead of Season 2’s premiere on Mzansi Magic in June 2025.