By Gen Terblanche25 October 2024
How to Manifest a Man: The crazy lady watchlist
Are you a meticulous planner? Do you run your life with notebooks, vision boards, and multiple apps directed at becoming a better you? It’s a life where every obstacle is a challenge that just makes you stronger. And there’s little you wouldn’t tackle to achieve a perfect outfit, a perfect home, and a perfect career. But can you also manifest a perfect love?
Drama series How to Manifest a Man Season 1 follows Dudu (Enhle Mbali Mlotshwa), a massive narcissist who goes off the rails when she find out that her husband Simphiwe (Mnqobi Kunene) is not only cheating on her, but plotting to leave her for his side piece. She is having none of that.
Dudu grew up the spoiled daughter of self-made millionaire beauty mogul Sam Ngonyama (Peter Sephuma) and his wife, model and inspiration, Felicia (Lucia Mthiyane) – a perfect power couple. And when she raised handsome Simphiwe from the street to stand by her side, she thought she’d bought his loyalty along with his suits and car. Alas for Dudu, people are too messy to stay pinned to a vision board.
But after she rams hubby’s car off the road and he ends up with amnesia, Dudu finds herself with a blank slate to work with. Her plan to manifest a better man begins. To start, as Simphiwe recovers, Dudu tries to shape him by telling him that he’s kind-hearted, charismatic, and good at everything he does. And step by step she sets out shaping Simphiwe into the perfect husband. Her vision board, hidden behind the clothes in her closet, includes steps like…
1. Erase his past
2. Seduce his heart and mind
3. Eliminate the competition
4. Lie about his future
5. Make sure that you are the most important thing in his life
6. Love him with everything you’ve got
7. Get rid of barriers
8. Trust the process, even if it means faking pregnancy
She’s not crazy, it’s called manifesting! But we think her crazy lady vision board could use a little power-packed inspiration. So we’ve picked out 10 of South Africa’s craziest, most ambitious women for Dudu to follow down this dark path she has chosen.
Binge How to Manifest a Man Season 1 now.
1. The Queen Season 1-6: Harriet
Satan in a white fur coat! When Harriet Khoza’s (Connie Ferguson) drug-kingpin husband Mzi (Treasure Tshabalala) wanted to leave her for their housekeeper, she didn’t bother manifesting anything; she just had him assassinated at their daughter Kea’s (Dineo Moeketsi) wedding and took over his business. She invited her rival Diamond (Zolisa Xaluva) to dinner and seasoned his food with poison, then sat sipping her wine while he choked and coughed up blood in front of her guests. And she has personally whipped and tortured those who crossed her – while wearing a plastic dry cleaning bag to protect her chic outfit.
2. The River Season 1-6: Lindiwe
The River can credit some of its 11 SAFTA nominations in 2024 to the drama that Lindiwe brings to the table every day. Soapies’ diamond queen Lindiwe (Sindi Dlathu) was as hard, sharp and brilliant as the stone she killed Thato Mokoena over, beating his head in and drowning him in Refilwe’s river – the same river she took her daughter Tumi (Larona Moagi), to, so that she could choke her to death with her own hands after Tumi threatened to expose her. Mother of the year Lindiwe also buried Tumi alive once, using a construction site backhoe to dig out a hole and drop sand on top of her, all while dressed in business casual!
It was third time lucky when Lindiwe shot a helicopter out of the sky, killing Tumi for good.
And when Lindiwe’s ex-husband Zweli tried to marry another woman, Lindiwe turned to “prayer”, faked repentance, moved back in with her ex, then shot his bride, Gail (Mary Ann Barlow), on their wedding day under the cover of the chaos she created by siccing an Angolan diamond cartel on their venue.
Tragically, her ex-husband was paralysed in the shooting and she made sure he became dependent on her so that he’d fall back in love again. If there isn’t a photo of Lindiwe on Dudu’s vision board, what is she even doing?
3. The Wife Season 1-3: Mandisa
Nqoba Zulu’s (Abdul Khoza) shebeen queen wife Mandisa Madubela (Zikhona Sodlaka) was equally scorned, adored and feared, and exactly the right kind of crazy to match his freak. Get cheeky with one of the other Zulu wives, and you’d hear her cock a gun behind your head despite the fact that most of the family looked down on her as trash. Call her mama and she’s not your mama? She’d snatch a wig and come after you with a metal pipe.
Her inconsolable grief at Nqoba’s murder brought a different kind of crazy into her as she drowned her tears in alcohol. But that didn’t stop her tenderness as she and her sisters washed Nqoba’s body for burial. And she honoured his memory all the way to the grave, giving him the lavish funeral his Gucci gangster soul would have loved – complete with spinners, guns, and twerking girls – in defiance of the other brother’s determination to bury Nqoba with calm dignity in a way that honoured his ancestors. She was not afraid to call them out for their real morals – at length – during her funeral speech. Alas, we can’t bear to talk about what she did after they took her little son away from her.
4. Housekeepers Season 1: Boniswa
Lawyer Linda Ndlovu (Thando Thabethe) went undercover as a housekeeper to the Zwide family after they framed her mother, nurse June Ndlovu (Clementine Mosimane), for the murder of her dementia patient, Veronica Zwide (Nthati Moshesh). Veronica was in the way when her gold digging PA Boniswa (Zikhona Sodlaka) wanted Veronica’s house, her business, and her husband, Peter Zwide (Mangaliso Ngema), for herself. When Boniswa found out that Peter still loved Veronica, she was determined to get rid of her helpless rival.
Human decency was not a currency Boniswa attached any value to. From the grand evil of murder, framing an innocent woman, and burying the previous housekeeper that her husband had seduced and murdered in the backyard, to the petty everyday crime of snatching the tea right out of Linda’s hands to drive her back to work with a shove and some words of contempt, Boniswa turned being evil up to 11. But hey, she got the house, the kid and the husband she wanted.
5. Outlaws Season 1: Nyakallo
Can you spot a crazy lady in the wild? Look for that tell-tale praying mantis head-tilt as they size you up! After Leruo Ts’eole (Lehlohonolo Mayeza) dumped his girlfriend Nyakallo (Seipati Mahamu), she set her heart on his cousin Tlali (Keketso Mpitso) as the human clay that she would ruthlessly mould into not only husband material, but into leadership of the local cattle rustling guild, Top Four.
Tlali soon found out that Nyakallo would not be ignored, as she dragged him back to her side when he cheated on her, and dosed him with muti from her sangoma mom. She sealed the deal by saving him and his dad when they were about to be burned to death during a Top Four meeting. Nyakallo opened fire on the entire Top Four before making Tlali promise to marry her before she’d release him and save him from the flames.
She was smart enough to go toe to toe with the ruthless schemer Mr Dlamini (Mduduzi Nombela) at a Top Four meeting, to figure out what he wanted, and how to give it to him while satisfying her own thirst for revenge by kidnapping Leruo’s love Sihle (Nirvana Nokwe-Mseleku) for him. As she held Sihle at gunpoint, she gloated, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, sister-wife.” While Tlali is a hot-head, Nyakallo is an ice cold schemer and a planner. At Tlali’s side and taking ride-or-die far too literally, Nyakallo is absolutely fearless.
6. Gomora Season 1-4: Mam’Sonto
When things went south for Sandton trophy wife Thathi (Katlego Danke), she was forced to return to her roots in Alexandra township, to her mother, Mam’Sonto (the late Connie Chiume), an old-school gang boss. Mam’Sonto is in church Sunday praying for absolution, and back on the street on Monday piling up more sins. When her love Bra Mike (Silas Monyatsi) demanded that she leave crime behind, Mam’Sonto instead had her gang hijack a car for him as a wedding gift (which, okay, yes, ended tragically for them both).
But Mam’Sonto would do anything for her family, down to “chopping off” her right hand – her gang protege, Mazet (Siphesihle Ndaba). And before every heist and murder, she’d turn to the bible for guidance and pray for forgiveness for what she was about to do. If Mam’Sonto was going to die on the street, she’d die right with God, and with all her heavenly account books in order.
7. Umkhokha: The Curse Season 1: Ma’Mzobe
Ma’Mzobe is another pray-before-you-slay lady in this prequel telenovela about the power struggle for control of the Ithempile LeNkosi megachurch. How evil is she? Ma’Mzobe poisoned all the holy water in the church and killed innocent members of the congregation just so she could get rid of one man. And then she turned around and prayed to her murder victims for their blessing to become leader of the church. If you looked at Ma’Mzobe’s vision board it would just be a giant poster with the words “The Audacity” on it.
The curse of the title lingers around Ma’Mzobe thanks to a bag of ancestral bones (isikhwama) that keep coming back to her, even after she throws them in the sea. Surrounded by bad energy from the bones, which curse the people around her to take their own lives, Ma’Mzobe was so steeped in evil that at one point, she could not walk on holy ground and hallucinated that the ground in front of her burst into flames while she screamed and fled. Further adding to the message that she’s not fit to lead the church, she vanished under the water during her own baptism.
8. The Imposter Season 1: Mantwa
The Imposter Season 1 centred on twin sisters Mantwa and Matshepo Tau (both played by Thishiwe Ziqubu). Seventeen years back, Matshepo framed Mantwa for a crime that she committed. Mantwa spent all 17 years behind bars seething and plotting before staging a prison break at gunpoint, kidnapping Matshepo and chaining her up in a cage while using her for information so that she could successfully take over Matshepo’s life, her rich husband and her children.
Imagine thinking you could step into your sister’s shoes when you haven’t even walked in high heels for 17 years! But Mantwa is an ice-cold psychopath with years ol prison-honed patience and resentment to draw on. We can’t forget the gloating and smirking as she reported back on all her little successes to her prisoner, while Matshepo sat and rotted in her cage. And why? Mantwa explained, “I don’t want a new life; I want your life.” Mantwa’s rule for manifesting? Make someone else do the hard work, then take over.
9. Lockdown Season 1-5: Masabata
With the whole cast of criminals, innocents and crazies to choose from, we’re spoiled for choice at Thabazimbi Women’s Correctional Services. Do we go with paedophile prison warden Deborah Banda (Pamela Nomvete), who offers chocolate to young boys and brainwashes her enemy Maki Magwaza in her secret torture cage until she can literally make prison assassin Maki (Linda Sebezo) bark like a mad dog and eat out of her hand even though Maki’s son was one of her victims?
Or should Dudu look at the master manipulator, Masabata (Nthati Moshesh) – the church lady who inspired laughing and bible-quoting serial killer ZimZim (Manaka Ranaka) “The Butcher” to chop the heads off children in a hunt for a perfect innocent soul to bring her murdered brother back to life?
There’s no evil like unholy evil, so Dudu could learn manipulation by watching Masabatha in Lockdown Season 5, as this blind mystic brings the prisoners under her sway despite everyone knowing that she’s behind bars for turning her previous batch of believers into a suicide cult. With no money and no power, just a few episodes in, Masabatha has believers lining up for a literal baptism in blood. Pin that to your vision board, Dudu.
10. The Herd Season 1-2: MaMngadi
Raised as the daughter of a witch, there is no evil scheme too outlandish or too crazy for MaMngadi (Winnie Ntshaba). When she fell in love as a young woman, she convinced her soon-to-be-husband Bheki (Sello Maake Ka-Ncube) to slaughter his wife (Samukele Mkhize) as part of a spell to increase his herd. And when he felt too guilt-stricken to love her as his new wife, she summoned the spirits of darkness to give her control of his mind.
Years later she used a bewitched goat’s liver as part of a spell to make him sacrifice his beloved daughter Kayise (Sihle Ndaba) from his first marriage to protect their wealth. After Bheki’s death, she set her sights on his brother, Smanga (Bheki Sibiya) and married him before hiring men to kill him so that she could protect her children’s legacy from his family.
At one stage, MaMngadi tried to turn her back on evil, but when her protege and would-be daughter-in-law Ayanda (Enhle Mbali) lured MaMngadi’s pregnant daughter Dumazile (Cindy Mahlangu) so she could cut out her baby’s heart to give to MaMngadi’s mother, MaMthembu (Nomsa Nene), the only way that MaMngadi could defeat her mother was by eating her newborn grandson’s heart. Resigned to a return to evil, she fried and seasoned it first. And that’s where the path of darkness takes you.
Binge How to Manifest a Man Season 1 now.
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