Quiz time! Which Adulting guy are you dating?

Halfway through Adulting Season 3, we’re drinking in the drama like the finest champagne! Every Saturday is fight night for our friends and brothers. And for another season, South Africa’s women are getting a warts-and-all look at what’s going on inside the minds and private lives of the men we love – and those of their friends we can tolerate.

We gathered a group of women scientists, analysed the material, and we’ve put together this 10-question quiz to help you find out whether your man is more of a Bonga, an Eric, an Mpho, or a Vuyo. Grab your paper and pencil and let’s go!

Stream Adulting Season 1-3 now. New episodes Saturdays.

1. Look down at his feet. What do you see?

A. Those Gucci Princetown slippers with the fur lining.

B. The perfect designer shoes for his outfit unless we’re at home. Then the piggies are free to roam.

C. Work boots and tekkies unless I beg, because he can’t wear dress shoes without limping like one of Cinderella’s sisters in a glass slipper.

D. Vellies or the Tito Mboweni specials. Just dry and dusty.

2. What do you fight about?

A. His friends and their endless drama. Whose career comes first. Whether we’re having a baby. It’s a symphony of sulking and door slamming in that house, and he gets pretty vindictive, but he’s actually fine once he calms down.

B. My bunny hates to fight. He curls up like a leaf when people raise their voices. Be nice to him.

C. Why my friends are so basic and bougie (according to him). And every day is drama if I so much as sneeze near another man. It’s screaming, gun-waving insanity!

D. Why he needs to wear a condom. What about my pleasure. How he needs to be an actual partner at home. Why he’s making secret phone calls. What his work hours are, actually. The endless lying. What the definition of gaslighting is. How much actual childcare expenses are. Why child support is not a scam against men. Why just being a weekend dad doesn’t cut it. It’s endless.

3. At school he was:

A. The teacher’s pet.

B. The ladies’ man.

C. The football star.

D. The one they paid to do their homework.

4. What does he love about you?

A. He loves my ambition, my compassion, and my sense of humour. We love hanging out together and talking about everything, but we also know how to rock that bed. He’s a total-package guy.

B. He loves my sense of adventure and fun and he loves how I take care of myself. We can talk about fashion and makeup for hours and just gossip together. My joy is his joy.

C. He loves how I stand up for myself. He loves my take-charge attitude and my playfulness. And he loves that I am smart! It makes him all shy and adorable.

D. He loves the sex and how attractive he finds my body, and the things I do for him. I think he likes the fact that I am mature and responsible? I am not so sure he actually gets me as a person, though.

5. What’s he like in the kitchen?

A. My man can throw down like a five-star chef! But don’t touch his pots.

B. When we’re not dining out, it’s a girl-dinner kind of affair.

C. If you want real South African soul food, he’s your man.

D. We’re ordering delivery or picking up a garage sandwich.

6. What’s he like in bed?

A. Getting me off is a matter of pride for him! We have a great time and there’s plenty of laughter with the passion.

B. Our bed is the Cirque du Soleil! A sextravaganza! There nothing he wouldn’t do and let’s just say he must have been a woman in another life.

C. My big tough man is a cuddle bunny at home but a freak on the streets! I can’t tell you the number of times we’ve almost gotten caught in public. Things can get a little scary when he gets to the non-verbal phase. 

D. He’s hot to go 24/7, but he has zero ability to read the room. While it can be flattering to see that look in his eye when I am running a fever and surrounded by soggy tissues, I’d rather he made me soup.

7. What’s he doing at the club?

A. Halfway through the night one of his friends is going to start a fight, and he’s going probably get smacked with a table when he tries to stop it.

B. Halfway through the night one of his friends is going to start a fight, and he’s going to be cheering them on until things get serious. 

C. Halfway through the night he is going to start a fight so bring bail money in your bra.

D. Halfway through the night one of his friends is going to start a fight, and he’s going to jump in after rolling his eyes.

8. What’s he like as a giver?

A. Extravagant like you could not believe. That man will empty his entire bank account to spoil the women in his life. It’s not just because that’s what makes him feel like a man, either. He does it because he loves to see me smile and get excited.

B. Sometimes too generous, like I have stopped mentioning the things I need around him because of it. I have asked him to stop taking me out to restaurants, too, because I can’t bear watching his face when the bill comes. But everything he’s given me to wear has been a keeper. His taste is immaculate. 

C. Do you thrive on acts of service? My man doesn’t have a lot of cash, but who needs that when my car runs like a dream because of his hands? He knows how to make the little things count. And I’ve never been hungry around him.

D. It’s either garage flowers if someone reminds him that a gift would be appropriate, or something so expensive that it makes me a little scared – think gorgeous designer handbags … but not one I was specifically drooling over. After he gives me something, he wants sex. It’s like my downstairs writes thank you notes.

9. What’s he doing on the dance floor?

A. Whether we need to waltz or we’re in full party mode, he’s out there shaking what God gave him. And God was generous, amen.

B. He’s got style, he’s got flair. He moves like a dancer and he loves, loves, loves the spotlight. Just a great dance partner if you can keep up.

C. He’s propping up the wall, drinking and watching me dance like one of the Men in Black until I can drag him to come join me. And then he’s got moves like a real one.

D. When I met him he was the kind of guy who dances up behind women, crotch first. You know the kind. But he does love to shake it out there between full body contact slow dances, and trying to drag me off to the bathroom for a quickie halfway through.

10. What’s his relationship with his mother figure like?

A. He adores and spoils her.

B. It’s all about what dad wants in that house.

C. He is respectful and goes to church with her.

D. He acts like he was birthed by a father.

Mostly A: Your man is a Bonga (Thembinkosi Mthembu). He’s ambitious, driven, and he’s locked into that live hard, play hard lifestyle. He might not have come from money, but he’s got some now, and he’s spending it on every good thing life has to offer. While he’s keen on ticking off the big roadmarks in life, he often rushes towards them without questioning whether they work for him, whether it’s about money, wives and babies, or whether he’s trying to live up to his own standards as a man. That’s the problem with being a self-made man – the normal map isn’t going to work for him.

Mostly B: Your man is a Vuyo (Luthando ‘BU’ Mthembu). His happy-go-lucky nature could be masking a lot of pain, but he’d seldom confide in anyone about that, because he doesn’t have any of the tools he needs to understand what’s wrong. He has trouble sticking to anything for too long and self-sabotage is a serious problem for him because he doesn’t really believe in himself, and it makes him vulnerable to people who like to put him down. He loves the finer things in life because when he looks good, people treat him with the respect he craves. And along the way, he has developed a sense of style that has become one of the few things he can trust in his life. 

Mostly C: Your man is an Eric (Nhlanhla Kunene). When he’s in a good place, he has the emotional intelligence and perception that could make him a brilliant therapist the way they make him an extraordinary friend. But there could be issues in his past that he’s not been able to process properly. And there’s a lot of damage he tries to sweep under the rug, which comes out in his volatile temper and unpredictable, problematic behaviour. It’s truly a case of the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. He’s also deeply uncomfortable outside of his normal social sphere, and he reacts to the discomfort of feeling judged by shutting down. Prepare to have your eyes opened while dating an Eric because if you pull tricks, he’ll see right through you.

Mostly D: Your man is an Mpho (Thabiso Rammusi). At some point he stopped playing by the rules and started looking for a scheme because life wasn’t giving to him as generously as it was to his friends. This makes him a lot more uncomfortable than he realises, and he’s responding by puffing himself up to look bigger than he is. He’s not a bad person – in fact he can be incredibly level-headed and has a real moral compass (even if he’s avoiding it) – but he’s slow to accept responsibility for his mistakes. And trying to get him to take accountability can be like pushing two magnets together. Self-perception dololo. 

Stream Adulting Season 1-3 now. New episodes Saturdays.